An article on Williams syndrome in the Times magazine detours into a larger discussion on a theory of mind — essentially that our brains became bigger to handle the amount of social information and decision making we evolved to need as we came to live in larger groups. No doubt we are social animals and the perception of our relationship to the rest of the group and to potential mates is what consumes us much of the time. It was the need to navigate the waters of social dynamics more than the pragmatic hunt for food that drove the development of our skills — according to this theory. However — there are many other social animals under similar pressures — birds, for example — who tend to have puny brains. According to this theory it was also sociability that drove the creation of language.
We spend about a 5th of our time grooming (and being groomed). Add that to the fact that it’s a small step from talking about social dynamics within a group to gossip and the popularity of US, People and a whole bunch of other supermarket magazines seem less a perversion of human interaction than an accurate expression of it. Gossip is a big part of what we are and how we know what we are and where we stand. Likewise, if grooming is such an natural obsession, then fashion is a obvious outgrowth of that — and as fashion keeps morphing season by season it functions as a natural challenge for the groomer and the groomed to keep up. Within niche communities and demographics the same is true — whether it be skate kids, jocks or businessmen — they’re all extremely aware of nuances of dress and grooming and what they mean.
Do men often try and find workarounds for this? Not too many men engage in obvious small talk — but they bundle their inferences about who, where, how, when and what in conversations about sports, cars and tech. Their gossip is disguised — they’re in denial that they are gossiping.
Part of these social skills involves learning how to deceive others. How much deception you can get away with, how to do it and when you should do it. The ultimate form of deception is, in my opinion, self deception — if you can do that then the other person will more than likely really believe what you are saying or claiming.
I remember toilet paper
I remember parking lots
I remember air conditioning
I remember newspapers
I remember the smell of jet fuel at airports
I remember high-rise buildings
Oh wait, I already wrote a song about this.
